quote:What's most important- my marriage or my children?
Aren't both in the "extremely important category?"
In the past, when my wife was impatient about something, I would just defer to her, which upset us both. Now, when I choose to defer to her, I try to recognize that I am making a choice to do so instead of just feeling overruled (and then angry). If things do not go the way we would like them to, I try to let it go.
Increasingly, W will restrain herself from "taking over" in some area whereas in the past she would just take over and then be mad about it. Now, she will seek and ask for my help. I think she is getting better at not assuming I already know (or should know) about the issue she is concerned about, she's giving me the benefit of the doubt. She recognizes my "progress" and I recognize hers.
I think she has come to a point where she asks herself, "how really important is this thing?" If it is not really important in comparison to improving our relationship she'll let it go far longer than she use to. If it is really important (like your situation with an ADD child) she'll deal with it if I don't and I appreciate that about her.
Thinking about your situation and mine, I really use to FUME when I would undertake something and do it a certain way only to have my wife become critical because it wasn't done the exact way she wanted it or in the time frame she expected. Was/is there a subconscious rebellion going on? Passive/aggressive behavior, probably. Was there deliberate undermining going on my part? No, but when the relationship started to wobble and got worse, I am pretty sure she assumes my behaviors were calculated deliberate attempts to infuriate her (now how smart would that be? What man wants an irate wife?) I am reminded of a couple of my favorite verses from the bible: Proverbs 21 verses 9 and 19
quote:"Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." And "Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman."
As simple as it seems you may just want to share with him how stressed out you are re your son and ask him for his input and help.
"What are YOU going to do about, son? Do you see what is happening with him. Can you imagine what will happen if we don't (control this situation) do something now?" verses
"What should we do about son? I am worried about him. What do you think our options are? I am afraid of what this might lead to for son?"
Again, more speculation on my part, just scratchin my head trying to offer some encouragement. Do what works? C2H
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
