C2H..you make some very good points and effectiviely point out the rational behind the "DB" approach.
Question...In my case, my positve changes(the ones that pulled my spouse back in to the "system") have proven to be detrimental to my children,especially for my teenager.
My time away from home, spent on restarting my career,afforded him opportuniites to act out and to fail academically.Even though I had arranged my schedule to pick him up from school,go to athletic events,etc.
In fact,he has created enough problems,to make it necessary for me to take a leave of absence to devote almost undivided attention to his needs through the end of this semester.It appears that he liked having a stay at home mom,who was very active in his school life etc.(even though H lost respect for me) At this point, I am wondering if spouse is going to start having old issues revisiting his psyche.I am literally torn between the two "causes" and of course,since this a time of crisis for son,primarily,my energies are directed at solving his particular problems.
I "changed" thus-the family system changed-which effected various family members differently.In other words..I saved my marriage and in the process put son in jeopardy.It seems that my years of providing structure and close supervision on the "homefront" were actually helping son to manage what has turned out to be a significant ADD problem.Son presents well and is talented and personable,so ADD was overlooked or pehaps we were in denial.
So... I am conflicted as to how to best handle the "men" in my life (H and two sons) while at the same time feeling terrified that my DB success is being tested to the limit.
Any advice for me....would be appreciated. Thanks... JB
