Update on Success!

[Committed2Him]

Me2- I think the "betrayed" spouse will always want to know "why" and "what did I do wrong, what's wrong with me etc". I think the beauty of SBT and other approaches that come to mind (approaches I have read by Phil McGraw and, of all people, Tony Robbins) is that "changing" something (changing anything) triggers different responses than the normal conditioned response from the WAS/MLCer. For me, gettting to the point where my W moved away from strongly desiring divorce towards "piecing our marriage back together,"
has provided me with the opportunity to continue to work on issues. Communication, expectations, conflict resolution, etc, etc.

Everybody has quirks, "issues" imperfections etc. that we began to develop from birth. My wife, me, you, your H, EVERYBODY. So who's fault is it really? Even if you could determine a percentage of blame, 60/40 70/30, the bottom line is you still need to move forward from wherever you presently are and it is a continuing process.

Over time, we discover how our behavior and actions contributed to our spouses actions but time is better spent working on our future actions and behaviors than beating ourselves up for the past.

DBing is exciting because we can continue to examine our human interaction with our spouses (and others) and apply the principles to live a more rewarding, less frustrating life when it comes to human interaction and conflict resolution. Or I could be completely wrong Take care of yourself. C2H