I do drop by sometimes and look around these boards. It feels good when someone I went through hell with reports success. It bring me joy to hear of others success's in rebuilding their marriages.
I particulary found the postings about post traumatic stress syndrome interesting because that sounds like the way I felt for so long. I am happy to say that I seem to have turned some kind of corner Now I am finally really letting go of the past and recovering from the damage to my mind,heart, and soul.
I am feeling secure in my marriage because my H has turned into the wonderful best friend he was years ago. He is very happy to be my H and repeatedly tells me that he wants to be with me forever.
My H I think has been the key to my recovery. He has been there for me and understood when something would trigger a bad memory and I would fall silently back into that rollercoaster world or ask him yet another question to reassure me that he was happy. He really didn't like being reminded of that awful time period we went through but he understood that I was going through a healing process and he was more understanding than I though he was capable of before this happened. My H has never had much patience in the past but he has sure shown me patience this last year. When I had a flashback he would put his arms around me and tell me he loves me.
Yesterday at lunch something brought up the subject of divorces. I remember now it was a story about a young boy who committed suicide because he thought he was responsible for his parents divorce. I was spouting off about the damage that selfishness and divorce do to entire families. Anyway I told him it would have been easy for me to have reacted on emotions and in haste filed for a divorce. My H told me for the first time how much he wishes that he had never made that dumb mistake. He said it was dumber than dumb and should never have happened. That seemed to release something in me and it felt good. I think I am more at peace now than I have been since this thing started. I was very lucky to find DB and worked harder than I ever had to save not only my relationship with my H but at the same time save our daughter and granchildren from having to endure the pain that a divorce would have brought to their lives as well.
Following DB principals has paid off in so many ways I couldn't list them all. Everytime I see the love and delight between my H and our toddler grandson I know that he realizes how much he almost lost and how happy he is now. One of our grandson's first words is Grandpa even before he can say Grandma. They both just light up with smiles when they see each other and Grandpa swoops him up into his arms and the little one giggles with delight.
My H and I now spend most of our time together. He says we are a good fit. We enjoy spending time with the family and planning the things we want to do in the years to come. We are talking about taking trips together, things we want to do for our grandchildren, and retirement that is about 10 years away. It really is similar to the early days of our marriage when we were just happy to be together and secure in knowledge that we would always be together. The difference is we don't take that for granted anymore. Maybe its kinda like the person who has survived a deadly illness. You come out of it with a whole new perspective and appreciation for what you have.
Wesse and Jenny I think of you often and GG of course, and the others that are not here on the boards so often anymore. I will always hold a very special place in my heart for my DB buddies who were there for me and kept me from losing everything including my sanity. You are my Angels. I just wanted you to know how happy we are now and encourage others to hang in there.
