You are right. We have a conflict filled relationship. H can only communicate through anger. He was so mad, because I tried a new recipe last night. "I cook my own food," he said. Nagged middle son to eat more chicken, then oldest didn't get any. He's often critical, nagging, energy drain. When I've explained I need positives -- he has refused to accomodate. I asked him to not criticize as middle son is always constipated, due to poor diet. So I've gotten used to living without positive energy or compliments.
I've tried to implement various ideas I read about in marriage handbooks, while applying DB techniques. Progress is slow. I never ask for approval or expect a compliment from him. But I do get compliments at work about my appearance, sense of humor, so that helps. I also have people there to go out to lunch with or to events with. Nice interesting people.
I have taken an interest in H's activities. I have gone to the same meditation classes, but separate from H. He goes Friday (in chinese). I go Tuesday (English). So that is something we can share. It's the Saturday night thing -- only H is invited and it's so far away. He's so spaced out...he thought it was every Saturday and saw nothing wrong with him going out every Saturday. He offered a compromise. Every other Saturday -- he'd go. That is all the time they meet anyway. So I feel tricked by someone who doesn't value me -- can't speak up for me. At the same time now we go out every other Saturday night. Only last year he'd say he didn't want to go out with me. Or wasn't interested in the movie, couldn't go, too expensive, not sure of plot, what time, where, why this movie....Just dragging his feet...
There are positive changes, but lots more work needs to be done.
