Well, I would like to post here to aknowledge some success. I've read this thread and find it very positive and energizing. Also, realistic.
I've been posting in I need support and have been DBing since last August. I read the book in August 99, but what really helped was posting here.
A brief history..married 18 years, known each other 20 years. Three sons 14, 11 and 8. H was laid off in 1991 and didn't work for three years. Lots of resentments problems before and after the layoff. Intermittent threats of divorce from H. Once from me. Several marriage counselors only made matters worse. Two recommended divorce. I felt totally betrayed.
Early problems were verbal abuse. H telling me to move faster and that I should be able to do all housework, bills etc. I reacted badly. I resented having to work full time -- hardly any maternity leave. He refused to help. Due to self-esteem problems I wasn't able to assert myself. I was in over my head. H was always spacy and couldn't get on time anywhere or remember any appointments. I was always anxious and tense. H went overseas and I realized I could make it without him. Things were easier- one less kid.
Finally, H went back to work and I took a buyout. The first six months were good. But money ran out (H was under-employed no health insurance--insisted on private school). H kept up irresponsible behavior, prending he wasn't part of the family. Things were always tense at holidays, birthdays, He would repeatedly disappear before any party and I would get so upset. Three kids, and no help.
Finally, I threatened divorce. I got a job after 18 months, but changed my mind about the divorce. I tried to work on things, but the counselor made things worse. We changed counselors, still no help.
So I stopped counseling and started DB.
Last October H bought a Nolo Press book and said he would file for divorce. He came to my counselor and said he would file for divorce.
But his actions say otherwise.
Now, he goes out every other Saturday to QI Gong (meditation) and is gone from 7-12. The other Saturdays we go out. I need ideas about what to do the nights he goes out.
H says I should stay home. I don't get mad. I just say it's Saturday night the only time for us. He makes excuses. Pretends not to understand. Says I used to go out. He stayed home.
I've gone out by myself. I've stayed home. I don't want to stay home I get resentful. Any ideas?
