Alex... I do read the posts on my thread, since,I am notified by email whenever a new entry appears.I don't consider that "lurking"...but,like to remain updated in re to my thread.
I have expressed my views on many topics in the last couple of years and when I find myself advising the same thing repeatedly..it's time to take a break.
However,in regards to your son's behavior,I feel compelled to reply.Often, dysfunction in a family is manifested in the children.These precious innocents absorb the drama around them and,of course, eventually outlets are required for tension and anxiety.
The symptoms you have described are most definitely stress related and need to be addressed immediately by both you and your husband and perhaps a professional.Bruxism(teeth grinding) is a symptom of anxiety,tension and repressed emotions.
Alex, you seem to spend quite a bit of time on this site reviewing your marital problems and that can be a positive outlet and coping mechanism that has helped you to "hold it together"during troubled times.However,I must caution you to avoid neglecting your children and if anything give them additonal love,support and time with you.
Their fears/anxieties will diminish...but they need to feel safe and this is going to take time,effort and patience.Fortunately, your 8 yr old has not reached puberty when any sort of instability in the family can cause more serious problems.
Alex, I do hope that your relationship with your husband has improved and that your family is in a "healing mode".However,as I have related, in sharing my own experience,there is a residual effect of a marital crisis on everyone in the family.You may continue to see some sort of acting out behavior on the part of your children and experience unresolved feelings of anger within yourself.Expect it,embrace and let it go. Only then,you will successfully navigate through the aftermath.
When a marriage is "saved",it does not mean that a "magic wand" is waved over the family and all problems disappear.When one is so intently focused on preventing the distintegration of their marriage,everything else tends to take a back seat.
Unfortunately... all deferred issues and feelings eventually manifest in one way or another!I do believe that if you are prepared for the "down" after the the "high" of reconciliation,you will better understand the myriad of emotions within yourself and other disturbances within the family system.
My husband loves me,now,more than he ever has and I feel it daily.Fortunately,we are pulling together to deal with the damage caused by the previous trauma in our marriage.It is not easy...but we are accomplishing quite a bit!
I regret the effects, of both my behavior as well as my husband's, on our dear children.However,I did the best I could and because of my efforts our family has remained intact and secure.
Nothing is perfect in this "best of all possible worlds" and we each are given life lessons to learn.
Take good care of yourself and your children...Jenny
[This message has been edited by 17baker445 (edited 03-17-2001).]
