Wesse, what you say is so, so true, and you don't know how much you've helped me today. It's amazing how much you perceived in my h's actions and assigned traits that are definitely there, but that I haven't pinpointed. About needing to see strength in me, and not wimpiness or neediness, that's so true. The last six months or so I have really started focusing on myself, my career, and trying to give my kids an extrqa boost. My h I think felt a little left out, but knows he deserved it. I do believe he truly feels sorry for having caused me so much pain, but I think he's at a loss as to how to make it up to me. I also believe that the ow is very much tied into their work persona and perception of themselves. I think he believed that she was solely responsible for his attaining new heights in his career, and that with her around, he was, not invincible maybe, but at least they could be such a team. I have been ,like you, rather unpredictable in my whims (which he was attracted to initially), and also very generous in my support of whatever he wanted to do career-wise. My sil told him once that very few women would have put up with some of the career choices he'd made. But to me, that is not the issue, of how much money you need to make, to me it is finding a work that is a vocation. I finally am finding and feeling my way in this vocation-thing myself, and it is a very good part of my life. My own insecurities come from having had my h sneaking around behind my back, on chat lines, putting out an internet ad for himself, things like that. I once told him that if that is what he was up to, then he needed to leave, because I wouldn't put with screwing around. Perhaps he just went underground. But I have an obsessive twist, and Jenny has admonished me on this score on a number of occasions in the past. I know it could be my undoing, but I also believe that my h could go a long way to soothing those anxieties I have. I couldn't even begin to list the anxieties because I'm not sure what they are exactly and where they come from originally. I just know that he makes me feel very insecure, and in fact always has (as if he could leave anytime he wanted, and that I am not the greatest thing since sliced bread), and it is a feeling I don't like at all. I have found, as well, that being strong and assertive has worked well, not just for h, but has done immeasurable things for my own self-esteem. Anyway, thanks again Wesse, and I'm glad you resurfaced. We could compare notes from time to time. Alex
