Hm, the trust thing....I wonder how many times I will say to myself as I read post after post...I know how you feel.
How do we trust again, after having been SO lied to, over and over and so hurt, humiliated, devistated...etc., etc. My biggest question for H is 'ok, so HOW exactly do I know that from THIS point forward, you tell me will be the truth this time'. I was so confident in my marriage, that he'd never cheat on me....now that I am living my worst nightmare, I am not so sure I will ever fully 100%, UNCONDITIONALLY trust him again...at least not for a long time. I guess I should consider myself lucky in that my H is trying, as much as he is able.
I can also relate to the kids thing...I have two boys, now 5 1/2 and 4 and it's a terrible (yet wonderful) thing when they just hug you and let you cry and tell you 'it's ok mommy'. My oldest even rubs my back, like I do his. I don't think they realize about the A, they just know that I was mad at daddy for being gone and VERY sad because I missed him so much. I did not speak ill of my H, as much as I wanted to, he is a good father. But I can see how my actions, anger, sadness, and depression have affected them. I have been trying to reverse that and allow them to see a happier me.
One day at a time, and hopefully tomorrow will be even better than today.
