Hi Wesse, now I'm having a down day. For me, it's the obsession of whether he was sleeping with ow. I know that's not the point, because the emotional betrayal has been devastating enough. There's also the prospect of other women. It's the lying, and the refusal to talk about anything. You've been lucky, at least your h will go to marriage counselling. Mine won't, and probably because he's worried I have some questions he doesn't want to answer. I really don't think we'll ever get beyond this wall we keep banging up against. When you combine the lying with the cheating, and then add their blame on top of all that, and then the two or more years I've been trying to prove to him that I'm here for him, I just think why bother? He's the one who cheated and lied, not me. He's the one who got obsessed about some ow, and did everything he could to protect her, suck up to her, and so on, not me. I'm sick of having to make home a safe place for him. How about making it safe for me? How about making some amends, or trying to meet me halfway? No, he's more interested in being right, and in finding and keeping his perfect soulmate. I have a deadline, and the way I'm feeling today, it can't come soon enough. I'm just so sick of the whole damned scenario I could puke. I know exactly when Jenny says you try and save your marriage, but what of yourself do you destroy in the process? My h hasn't even tried to say he's wanting to make it work, and what am I hanging onto? Babysteps? After two or more years of babysteps, I figure I'd go farther walking in the other direction. And yes, Wesse, there are many many days I feel I don't want the marriage. No relationship is worth this amount of heartache, this amount of grovelling, or this amount of having to take a backseat to someone else's whims. It's not like this was unusual behaviour on his part, extreme, yes, but not unusual. I honestly don't think he's ever been committed and I wonder if he's ever even loved me. Probably not. He seems only to want to give his love to those who are hard to get. Only he'd say he's giving it to those who he can communicate with. Then by all means, you've spent three years wondering about this, so go find your communicative soul-mates, and leave me alone to get on with my life. For me, it's not really her fault, although if I knew that she was encouraging him, and that they were physically involved, I'd probably change my tune. If I wer ein your shoes, I'd probably opt to change churches. I don't think you need that in your face all the time. I couldn't stand it, for sure.
