Lisa<BR>Listen to Jenny, listen to Jenny, listen to Jenny.<BR>Read DB, read DB, read DB.<BR>Believe me, the only time I ever slip back with my h is when I start pursuing (that includes reacting, crying, being hurt, the whole nine yards.<BR>The only time I get anywhere with him is when I distance, be very upbeat, laughing and joking.<BR>Read Why Marriages Succeed and Fail. They talk alot about reacting, defensiveness, criticism, non-validation of feelings and so on as being the killers of love.<BR>It's unbelievably hard to listen to this crap and have to validate it, but you do. Remember, it's not about who is right, or who is confused, but getting yourm arriage back on track. Youa re taking the stand that he is wrong, he is confused, and he has to change. (You are mostly right because his behaviour is the most obvious, but I've also learned through the last couple of years that there's lots of behvariour on my part that's not helping either, such as criticism, judgement, and so on.)<BR>Bite your tongue when you feel yourself wanting to tell him what a nincompoop he is. The fact that he is wavering is good. At least he is expressing some desire to come home, so when you hear the negative stuff, only remember the positive stuff and let that be your guide. Act as if you know he loves you. Period. And good luck. And lots of hugs.
