You're right about the double life - she is frustrated with it, but it continues. I'm seeing a lawyer this thursday to start separation agreement stuff, and I'm open to, but not pursuing, dating. The point? I'm living MY life, but not excluding her from it. At least not yet. To say that I'm waiting on her wouldn't be accurate, but I'm not kicking her away, either. We'll see. As much as I hate what's happening, I'm OK and I'm not going to be able to control her even if I try - so I'm not trying. Our conversations are as much for her benefit as mine, or "ours".
