Just when you think it's not possible for things to get worse, they do.
I think tonight may be the worst night of my life - my 5 yr old son got in minor trouble for getting crayon on the rug. His reaction?
Total freakin melt-down: tears, screaming "leave me alone" "I just want to go to bed" "Everybody hates me" "I hate our whole family" "I don't want to go ----'s house tomorrow (OM's son)" "nobody loves me"
He was inconsolable for a good 20 minutes - this from a kid who never cries emotionally, just when he's physically hurt. I finally left the room and told him to come out when he was OK, and he settled down. Later, at bedtime (10 minutes ago), he told me he wants Mom to love me again, and -----'s dad will never be his Dad, and I'll always be his Dad. I hugged him, spent a few more minutes with him, and told him how much Mom and I love him, and that everything will turn out fine.
I'm so damn angry with my wife right now I wish I had to explain why she was dead, not f-ing up her entire family. NO KIDDING.
This is on the heels of a day where I realized - it sunk in, I guess - that when we're separated, I won't see him every day, and I won't be there to put him to bed. Small thing in some families, but to me gigantic - the last thing he hears for the day is Dad saying "I Love You".
$HIT $HIT $HIT.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting here now - I know everyone here's been through hell and can only understand, not really help, but I have nowhere to turn - I've always talked to my WIFE about this sort of thing. I can't even tell her about it - she'll dismiss it, or blame me, or think I'm making it up or something. I've already determined she doesn't care.
