Hey brother, I 'm almost putting myself back to anxiety attacks keeping up on your situation. Too close to home from my past. I know I've said this before, but change the names and it's the same situations with the same drama.
Your wife has recognized the changes. This just makes her angry for now, she's wondering why now, why did it take a wake up call of the darkest hurt to make you see realize her pain. Just let things play what they will now. Pay attention to your son and be cordial to your wife. Her mind is made up, but only in her mind, what reality will unfold is a whole different story. She will waffle from minute to minute depending upon what she reads, feels or hears from others.
You focus on you and your life. She has told you she's out, so act as if you believe her, but remember only half of what you see and 90% of what you hear is drama; not reality. DO NOT REACT........just listen. The things these people say are unbeleivable, so accept them for what they are, only frustrated guilt lessening phrases.
Worst case scenario, she moves out, you already know this plan, anything other than this is gravy, but it will take many months to years to be what you want as an outcome if she stays.
Her addiction to the OM is only an escape of reality for now. When she hits bottom, it's a whole different game. She will hit bottom. When and were, I don't know. When she does, you will have to be wiling to face the evil of all evil accusations and faults. Then, you can work on the relationship. This will be especially true if she moves out, then she doesn't have to be remotely pleasant.
You really have to be conscious of the credit card stuff. No sense to face a huge liability in the future. If she in fact moves out, get a separation of assets ASAP. If she wants out, that's when this deal becomes a business; it's you and your son's future to protect. Life is hard enough for you now, don't let her pile on a huge debt you may/will be 50% liable for.
For now be more aloof. You need to be pleasant, yet active, without her. Do things with your son out side of the house. At all cost no talks about when she's moving out, this will accelerate a move. She is unsure of what she wants and may be hoping for you to dictate her next action.
Sleep when you can, eat healthy and go to movies, walk in a mall, get groceries, spend time out of the house with your son having fun, be aloof. It will be noticed.
