W found WAW description written by Michele and REALLY identified with it, and has also been reading some of the depression stuff laying around my "spots" in the house. The net result has been some softening of her opinion of me, but the expected reaction has been to move further back in our history to the rotten $hit I did early on.
The severest of this is tough to explain quickly, but I'll try - My father died when I was 10, mother earned zilch, grew up dirt poor, been successful since, scared to death to make any big money decisions, deny myself (and, therefore, her) everything I can out of cowardice or fear of running short on cash (irrational), accused her of caring for only material things. Net result: She resents the hell out of me, is angry about THAT in addition to the neglect and avoidance between us that occurred when we didn't resolve things.
The point of this, and my question to all: Is there some behavior I can exhibit - perhaps toward my son or myself, or possibly her, that will show her a 180; without just causing further resentment? I've been very generous in our talks about separation finances, asking only that she not force the sale of our home for my son's sake (she agrees).
This could be an important step toward her eventual forgiveness, so I don't want to blow it. If she can get beyond this issue, another major goal would be achieved.
The last big one - true if we stay together or not - is for her to see how her responses and behavior contributed to our problems. This might be easier than I think - she put up with my crap for 11 years, and I with hers!
