She's spending the money, but on a card in her name she says will be her problem after the separation. Yeah, I know the problem with that - I've taken steps to contain it.
You're absolutely right about the guilt. Not that it will change her mind, but she is suffering big over this. Just not acting herself at all, and I don't mean toward me alone. She's in more pain than I've ever seen - enough so that if this plan she has doesn't work, I could see her becoming suicidal. Now maybe you can see why I have trouble focusing on just myself - divorced parents are one thing, but a Mom who killed herself? No way do you adjust to that easily (ever?).
On your other advice, I don't expect much, so I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure. I mentioned on another thread that I figure a 1% chance is all we have, but these DB strategies work for more than recovering relationships. I think they make you a better person all around, and allow you to retain dignity and the ability to have an open heart. I have always been a forgiving person, and now I know why - because I'm selfish, in a way.
