I Haven’t been reading many post in the last years. Yours' caught my attention. I've been around a long time. Most of these WAW situations and outcomes are the same. Just change the names and the same crap comes out of their mouths.
There are no magic bullets or pills. Results will take many months to years. Most WAW's have made their minds up long before we see the symptoms. The harder you try to fix it the faster and further you will chase them away.
The responses you have received are on target. If you are to have even the remotest of chances, back off now and stay backed off. She has given up, but she is still in the house. That's huge.
I don't want to come across cold here, but reality must be recognized. Let her go, detach and devote your attention to your child.
Affairs are very painful and I would eat your pain in a heartbeat if I could. When a third party is involved, your wife will defend her "feelings" in any validating way possible. All the hurtful things that come from her mouth are to set you off as to justify her feelings and actions. If possible, because I realize you are human and will fail from time to time, do not react to her seemingly wanting to fight with you, because she does want to fight. She will set you up with an occasional nice moment only to blind side you with a boat remark/comment just to fire you up. This justifies her inappropriate behavior. Low self esteem, asking herself what life is all about and deserving more is on her mind. Not making your relationship work. There is no relationship in her world with you.
As far as being your fault, No it's not. This has been in the works for years; you just missed thae invisible silent memo. We are males and males need to hear words. Women expect you to see things that are not apparent and clear to males. That is when the list gets started. Once that list reached a length of no return, the mean, angry girl comes out and that is were you are now.
All you can do is be you, attempt to act as if you are OK with it and do not act weak, teary, begging, pleading etc. These signs of weakness will be the final nail to a divorce coffin.
If your mind and heart are in this deal, it will take years to work out. You need to ask yourself; Can I live the rest on my life with a women while I'm married to her and knowing she is/has been doing another guy. This is the most disrespectful, hurtful thing an adult human can to someone their married to. Believe me, I know the pain and I know the memories do not go away, ever. It just isn't the same again, even after years.
Your son is your life, love him and you’ll have that forever.
