Oh Lisa, when I read your post, my heart sank, thinking of how painful this is for you. I'm so sorry to hear about the credit note coming to your home. Though painful, it doesn't mean the end. It just means you have a very rough ride ahead of you. My advice would be to calmly bring it up with your h about the note, ask why it came to your house, since it is a very hurtful thing for you to have to see, remembering that people do cruel things when they are trying to squelch their guilt, and your h certainly sounds like he's been wallowing in guilt since the beginning of all this. He is also cowardly and wants you to find out this way rather than having to tell you to your face. Don't react, though, in a negative way, just be calm, if you can manage it. He's going to know, just by looking at your face that you are extremely hurt. Secondly, you need to rally all your support group around you. Go out with friends, a lot. Be civil to your h, but don't engage him in any lengthy conversations about how you feel, because he will try to use it to assuage his guilt. Try acting as if you are okay with this, and that your life will go on. Even though you feel like your life has stopped. It has momentarily, and you're going to need all your energy to face that pain and deal with it. I suspect that your h also feels guilty about the OW -- didn't you say she has ms? If he's had an affair with her, she's probably putting the guilt screws to him, about her condition, etc. Remember what Jenny said about OWs are often insecure people who flatter our spouses and make them feel like heroes again. Since she is probably making him feel somewhat guilty, don't you add to it bey making him feel guilty. If a fox is trapped, or cornered on both sides it will fight back. If it's only trapped on one side (by her) it will escape through the only opening left it (you). Don'e fight it, and don't explain away yourself, and stop being so damned nice to him and assuring him that you don't have men calling for you. In fact, if you arrange to have a meeting with him, why not ask one of those callers to call during it. On second thought, maybe that's not such a good idea, it'll give him reason to justify his actions. Keep going back to Dbing, it really is the only method out of this mess, whether you spend the rest of your life with h or not. Do you go to church? If not, you'll find a very encouraging, and supportive atmosphere there. You need somewhere to land yourself, and friends are one way -- empathetic environments are another. Which is why you need to come here and read and post. Immerse yourself in the success stories so you don't give in to despair too much, though it will be a constant companion for a while. Go back and read Wonder Woman's previous postings -- she adopted an attitude of humour and after a year or more from hell, she and h are reunited happily. Good luck and God bless Alex
