I need some advice from other folks here - this is my first post anywhere, ever. I've been married for over 10 years to my first real girlfriend from back when I was a teenager- I'm 39 now, with a nearly 5 year old son. We had a rough start to our marriage and always had problems communicating, but since my son was born things have gotten steadily worse. I was neglectful and negative due to my excessive work schedule and some depression that kind of snuck up on me and got pretty bad - but that I recognized a few months back, and have gotten under control. The result, though is that my wife is EXTREMELY angry about all of my poor treatment of her and my continual denial of evrything she wanted - or I wanted. I just worked, worked, worked to reach some goal I never even identified. The last year or so, she became friends with a divorced Dad at my son's school and they have since developed in to a full-blown affair, with future promises of a life together. She is living with me, but spending more time with him, as well as some nights out - recently, at least. I know that he has bought a house nearby and she is working on it with him, with the intention of moving in with him at some later date - which she denies, but says she might, or she might get an apartment. She doesn't work, so support from me would pay for it. I've been using the techniques from DR for the last few weeks, but haven't had any luck. We are polite, but she often brings up past offenses and renews her anger (without any help). She found my book, and may have read it, I'm not sure. She seems to treat any kindness from me as very unwelcome. We attended a couple sessions with a great therapist back in March, but she has refused to return since, saying that she can't reconcile with someone she can't feel any desire or "true love" for - too much bad stuff between us, Ilove you but I'm not in love with you, all the expected things from a neglected wife in an EA. I believe the stress of thinking about repairing our marriage actually accelerated its demise, and pushed her toward the other guy. She seems terribly distressed about leaving our home and all that she put into it. The situation with the OP is worse than ours from a lifestyle angle - he's got two kids that are somewhat trouble, he shares custody with his alcoholic former wife, he doesn't earn much money, the house he bought is a dump, and my wife expects to never have much again in her life. Just to show how much she wants out!!!! I'm sure her feeling for the guy are strong, but she's smart enough to know she's not making a simple move. We can't talk about much anymore, but we do discuss finances related to the separation (not started legally yet) and we talk about our child. We are seperated by her schedule and mine, left with only three evenings and Sunday. She tries to find a reason to be gone some of that time as well. Naturally, we are not sleeping together and haven't in two months, and she certainly has a sexual relationship with the OP. There's the background, so here's the question: anyone been in similar situation and had any success, or are things too far gone. I've tried and am trying the LRT, but she seems to prefer it to anything else. Any questions, ask them and I'll check back. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts!!!!
