LStewart, I just had to respond because I've been following your posts and a lost of what your H is doing and saying sounds very familiar. My H was/is very confused about relationships and feels that he gets hurt if he is too vulnerable to feelings. I apparently hurt him with my complaints about ordinary things to do with married life, but he took everything very hard over the years and instead of doing something about it, he just bottled everything up. Now he is gone (1 year) because he made the "decision" that he would rather not be married or involved in any long term committed relationship. He thinks relationships are too "complicated" and set people up for hurt and disappointment. Classic avoidance. True, life may be less complicated but also less meaningful, I told him. We have 2 children, so I think he's not being realistic at this point either. He thinks he's back at our pre-marriage days, when you had all these options. My H thinks that staying away will solve all his problems. In the meantime, he seems busy with his own life. It has been incredibly hard for me. When I have asked him if a D would make him happy (and I've learned not to ask anymore)he says no. So I don't really know where this is all leading, because he's not working at coming back either. I read your letter. I know it's hard not to take what they say seriously, but I really think you can't. They are very confused and they bounce all these things off you to see how you'll react, so don't. Your H is still possessive about you and cares if you're seeing someone. Then 2 seconds later he's talking D again? That should tell you something. I'd say continue doing what you're doing, including the distancing while still showing him that you love him. No, I wouldn't tell him where you'll be in case of emergency. That is giving him too much security in this situation. He needs to feel your loss. He is very confused and you will just have to leave him alone for a while to sort it all out.
