Jenny, Thanks for your reply. I have considered talking to someone about Meds for me. Some days are ok for me and I can make it through without crying, but I have a feeling if he does go and file for D that I will not be able to handle it. I have been talking to one of Michelle's colleagues on the phone as there is not SBT therapist in my area. He does help tremendously and you help me when I am not scheduled to talk to him. I appreciate that.
I am going away next week to my best friends house in South Carolina. My husbands work shuts down for a week and I knew that I did not want to sit around wondering what he was doing or if he was going to call me. I told him that I was going out of town and that I already had someone to take care of the dogs. He asked where I was going and I just told him that I was going out of town. Do you think I should tell him where in case there is some emergency and he needs to get a hold of me? Also I cannot imagine not talking to him all week long. I do not know how he will feel about it, maybe it would be good or maybe it would just push him further away, I don't know. What do you think? Also he tells me that I seem to have this great social life now and he was wondering if I was seeing someone. I said "Excuse me? and he said well the mind does wander since you are always busy and have things to do. He also said that he was wondering why if I was seeing someone would I want to stay married. I asked him if he would care if I was and he said that yes, he knew that he could not say anything but yes it would bother him. I finally (after letting him sit on it for a second and wonder) told him that no, I was not seeing anyone. He then asked if I was talking to anyone and I said No. I have been hanging out with friends.
He did ask if we could do this divorce thing amicably as friends and not involve a lot of lawyers to save us both money (see letter above-just a note, he has been paying the house payment and other bills since he left and he has been giving me money so that I can pay off some debt that we accumulated on credit cards that are in my name only). I just ignored the question and did not even say anything. He**, I don't even want the D and he wants me to tell him, yes we can be friends and do this D and everything will be fine. I can't do that.
I have suggested that my H call the colleague of Michelle's that I talk with. He thought that I just wanted him to call to save this marriage (which I do want to do that), but I told him that I wanted him to do it for him for his emotional well being. He did mention in our conversation that he just wanted closure and wanted to be happy and I did ask (I know maybe I should not have) if he thought that Divorcing me would give him closure and make him happy and he said I don't know. (At least he did not say yes).
There is a possibility that I will see him today. He is coming home to give me the camera for my trip and he is going to mow the lawn. I think if I go home at all I will be happy and get in and get out like I have something else I need to do. I am all dressed up today and I would like for him to see me that way and happy.
Jenny, My one big fear about next week is that he will go and file for the D and that when I come back from my trip I will arrive to find that out. I do not know that I could handle that. How should I handle this trip thing. Should I tell him where I am going or not?
Again thanks again and I look forward to your insight on this before we both (you and I) head out of town.
