Hi Mj and welcome to the DB board.From what you have described,your H is still tied in to you,but is experiencing ambivalence.It sounds like there is an OW in the picture.<P> First it is imperative that you read Michele's books and apply the techniques immediately.<P> Re sex: I read your post and you recieved mixed advice.It is a very personl decision.However,don't do anything that makes YOU feeel bad.<P> In my case I was able to keep that connection,even though I had to become the initiator.It was an area in our marriage that had been in bad shape for years(since the children).I decided to fan the fire in my attempt to "do something different".I was detached and protected myself emotionally as it in no way guaranteed a reconcilliation.<P> To answer your questions I have been maried for 17 yrs and we have two children.Our marriage had been unsatisfying for many years.I attributed it to the pressures of childraisng and career requiremnts and hoped as pressures decreased,the marriage would improve.(Didn't happen)<P> My H treated me w a lack of TLC for about two years prior to his announcing it was over in early Feb of 99.He did not move out,but continued to apply steady pressure on me,telling me he never loved me etc and refusing to "work on the relationship in any way".<P> I followed Michele's advice and avoided pushing things to a crisis point.I listened to his complaints and tried to be a supportive friend(Very hard to do,when he was no friend of mine)Eventually,I saw "baby steps" in the right direction.Finally in April 2000,he made it known that he loved me and didn't want to leave.Alot happened in that 15 month period,many ups and downs and it took it's toll one me in irreparable ways.<P> I was motivated to save the family for the sake of my children.I was able to keep going due to my protective maternal instincts.I also hoped that eventually my H would snap out of it.There was an OW(EA) and maybe other infidelities for several yrs.I did not focus on any of it.I made as many positive changes possible in myself.<P><BR> Have to get going...hope I have been helpful....Jenny <p>[This message has been edited by 17baker445 (edited 07-10-2000).]
