Jenny, I need your help. I've asked everyone else around here for it, so now it's your turn. As you know my story, I have been trying to DB, but I do get stuck on over reacting, especially to myh's contact with OW. He says it was only an EA and I believe that, but he refuses to cut ties with her, and he continues to work on projects with her (since he often writes the proposals, her going with him is pretty much under his control). When I found out he was going on another trip overseas with her in September I got very upset and told him he could go, but not to bother coming home afterward. He later that evening (after going out with a friend) told me that he would leave, that it would be better than me throwing him out, and that he was planning on leaving in August anyway, after our vacation this month. Part of me feels that separation is the only way to clear the air, and to settle things one way or the other, and that I have waited two years for things to change significantly, and have done everything I can. Another part of me says I continue to react, and always about her, and that that is what is pushing my h further into the tunnel every time. I can see it, but I also have to set some boundaries. Perhaps the boundaries thing is what is bothering me the most. It almost sounds to me like my h has been planning to bolt (I even voiced this to someone on this bb the other day because he had been so nice to me all of a sudden), and that this has only strengthened his resolve o leave, and that what I've actually done is act as the heavy and done the decision making, so that I can shoulder the blame when it comes down to it. Does that sound accurate to you as an outsider? H has been very affectionate, and even a bit clingy, though still talks about how he will be a constant in the kids' lives so obviously he is not changing his position. He told his mother, while he cried, that I had asked him to leave, though I set her straight on what had preceded it. She thinks maybe I have over reacted; she thought he had been trying really hard, and he has been, but he admitted to me that something is missing, and he should leave, that he shouldn't put me through this any longer and that I deserve better. He says he cares for me, likes me, we have a great sex life, he thinks I'm a terrific person and mother, but there's a key element missing. He puts it down to how and what we talk about -- he can talk to his co-workers about anything, work-wise, and personal too, but he feels uncomfortable talking to me. I have gone through so much with this man over the past 14 years, from agoraphobia and anxiety attacks to performance anxieties to job and career changes, and all along the way we have talked about those things. I have tried inthe past year to be more open about my feelings, not with respect to him, but in more general terms, about the way I view life, and so on. He emailed me on one business trip not long ago that he was looking forward to getting to know me again, and now this. I don't know what to make of it all, except that he is confused. SHould I print off that email and give it to him to refresh his memory? Should I write him a letter about all this? Or should I just detach enjoy the vacation and let him move out in August?
