First, LS I COMPLETELY sympathize with you and your situation! So many of us are going through such similar scenarios it is frightful!
I do have a question/comment/concern about the being 'mysterious'. I completely detached and left for 2 weeks, as many of my DB comrades know, for the backcountry. This was a great experience for me and one I had been planning and saving for for over 2 years. Now, my H has been moved back in since March 5th after living with his bimbo for 4 months--- so we are on a 4/4 split going now. Things appeared to be moving forward-- baby step by itsy bitsy baby step. Then I left.... guess what I found when I got back!! An H who had decided that me being gone made the turmoil less, so he dreaded my return. He didn't "miss me at all". So I am really concerned about the advice that is fairly blanketed about going dark, being mysterious, etc... This only seemed to throw my H and I back into a major crisis! He spent a LOT of time with his bimbo while I was gone too. So, am I looking at this wrong or missing something? Or do I look at this and realize going dark isn't going to be an effective strategy for my H and I?
My H is suddenly back on "you're suffocating me" mode-- and I had zero contact with him for 2 weeks!! Damn, I must be good at long distance interference! On the flip side, after my trip I have learned some interesting things about myself and life. I think I am starting to truly accept the loving detachment--- it is a very weird feeling, and I still don't really 'trust' it. My H's contact with his bimbo is increasing, but I know I went overboard in expecting him to knock off his interactions with her and started to push too hard. Now I am just trying to tell myself to enjoy the times he and I DO have together and not stress when he is out doing his thing (with her or without her-- though the 2nd one is easier to deal with). My H is NOT a persuer-- didn't even persue me in the beginning really, even though he was madly in love with me.
LS, btw, my H also was attracted to me because of my independence and direction. Now he is involved with a 23 yo loser-- and I NEVER use that term about anyone except her. I am getting the speech of "I love you, but I am not in love with you" and "We have become really good friends, but anything more makes me uncomfortable." And so on and so forth. I don't have any real advice for anyone right now, because I am trying to decide if I have done anything right or not! I got an ironic kick last night when we were at the fireworks show-- H was driving one of the water trucks for fire safety with some guys from work. One of the guys from work has been in an on and off again separation from his wife-- he had an OW and was acting REALLY childish. Well, H hooked up with this guy pretty quick because of their similar mind set. Even told me back in March that his coworker was like him in that they just didn't know where they were going to be happy and that they didn't really think they wanted to be married anymore. Well, the irony part? His friend pulled his head out of his keister and is finally starting to work on his marriage! I couldn't believe some of the really mature things coming out of his mouth last night!! If only my H would get a clue too!
Sorry for the rambling everyone! Would really like some input, either on this thread or on my other one. LS, you are in good company here, and we are all going to come out of this as winners-- with or without our spouses. Oh, and I almost daily look at my H and wonder who this person is and what has he done with my H... and so do most of his friends.
