For what it's worth, I think your h wants to push you away and recapture the excitement that he once felt toward you. He loves you, in his tortured and confused way right now. He just doesn't want to be married to his sister. (Believe me, when push comes to shove he'll want the stability of that sister, but right now he wants "passion".) Listen to Jenny Baker -- make yourself mysterious and unavailable. Tune out some of what he says, but when he talks be an active listener, and as Jenny said repeat some of the things he says so he knows you're listening. When he says he feels like he's being ripped apart, listen very closely. At least he's telling yousomething. My h did the same at one point, and I fortuantley was there for him, just hugged him, but that was important. Don't tell him what he needs to do, or that he responsibilities to marriage vows, or anything like that. They can't take pressure when they're going through this, and they can't take guilt. He wants you, but he just doesn't want you the way he feels right now -- he wants you to put the spark back in the marriage. There's a book called Light Her Fire, light his fire -- haven't read it, but maybe you need to take a look at it. Also look at John Gray's books on Mars and Venus -- problem with them, though, is that you have to have two people interested in the marriage, but lots of what he says is still applicable in yours and my situations. Maybe you could try sending him a humorous email, just to let him know that you are back "on top of the world" even though you aren't. Leave it at that, and don't ask any quesitons about how he's feeling, or tell him how you're feeling. It gets easier to do as you get more practice.
