WAW now having an EA

[RBinBR]

However a HUGE breakthrough, she is not going to pursue this other relationship until Divorce is over. Good and bad I guess. good news for the kids that she will not be negleting them like she was and good news for me cause now I can DB my ass off without distractions of this OM.

Mike, I'll be more direct than GH ... your W is lying. She wants the apartment so that she can more easily conduct her affair. That's not meant as a slur against your W, it's just that all WAS's lie this way. Now, that certainly shouldn't change your attitude. You need to ignore the OM because your W is leaving you because of the problems that YOU have contributed to your marriage. You need to focus completely on becoming a better man.

It's great that you are getting counseling. Just having completely re-read your sitch, here are some things I think you should work on, both in and out of counseling:

about 2 years ago I got laid off from a job and started working from home and we have been strugling financially ever since ... So working from home seems to be taking up 24/7 of my time which I hate it makes me feel so guilty about not being able to focus on my family but I have to get the bills paid or that takes on the other arguments.

So one of the biggest problems in your R has been that you've basically ignored your W and her needs for time and affection. Your financial struggles have made you depressed, which has made you withdraw even more. I personally know how that feels, because those were things that significantly contributed to my W's affair.

Your W has given conflicting info about spending time with you now. On the one hand, she has said that it's weird being with you, and on the other, she's said that you are like her brother and she still wants to do things with you. If she does want to do things with you, you should definitely make your time available to her and show her that you're going to change. I suspect that quality time may be her primary love language (you should read Gary Chapman's book The 5 Love Languages).

Well we have had a rocky relationship lots of bickering and arguments for years but me being a man I retract and don't deal with things I either get mad or I just don't say anything and take it.

It seems to me, then, that your inability to constructively express anger has been a primary source of hurt to her in your R. A book that helped me a lot is When Anger Hurts (I notice that the author now has a new book When Anger Hurts Your Relationship, which would appear to be even more focused). As evidenced by your "blowup" just yesterday, you need to work on this fast.

she has to deal with my Ex running our lives

OK, this is going to be a big one for any woman. You slept with your ex after your R with your W started, which you admit has continued to make your W uneasy about your relationship with your ex. How does your ex "run" your life now and what can you do to stop it?

she will not support me if I take this new job.

So A. do I not take the job struggle financially, mentally and not have my time freed up and try to work things out which obviously hasn't been working for the past year? B. Take the job and try my hardest over the next 6 months to convince her we are going to be fine? or C. Take the job and DB to try and get her to realize that my life is moving on with or without her but I do want that to be with her and that has to be her decision?

I know that your W has since told you to go ahead and take the job, but that is probably because she is planning on a divorce and wants you far away and wants you to make more money so that you can pay more child support. She very clearly indicated that she does not want to move away from her family. If you plan to move, then you are planning to leave your W and kids behind. Is that really what you want? What's more important to you now, a job with more money -- or your family?