Man, I hate to be "this guy" to you, the one always pointing out the negative when you're trying to be positive, but I feel the need to do so, just like some of the best people trying to help me did on my threads.
So, what I am trying to say is that you said how it's a lot easier since it's not physical, in other words, not a PA with OM and your W. Don't believe that, or at the very least, don't let THAT fact make it easier on you. What you need to realize is that YOUR feelings are not governing her actions right now so if she decides to make it physical, or already has, then you will not likely be consulted.
In my sitch, my W has always said it was only a EA. Now, like you, I jumped on that and thought right away that "oh, it THAT's all it is then..." Well, first of all, an EA can be much worse, and second of all, they lie. I decided that I was just going to "believe" my W for the time being but in my mind, I had to understand that the truth of it only being an EA could be temporary or totally untrue and I needed to DB with that in mind.
I had to focus on me without reguard to her situation. I could not use ANYTHING she told me to motivate me or influence me because we were not in a relationship affording either of us that kind of influnece anymore. OT talks a lot about this concept of defining what kind of R you are in and then acting accordingly.
I think you need to listen intently to your W and get all the info you can because she is telling you in direct and indirect ways things you can use to examine yourself and decide what to do from here. What I don't think you should do is put ANY of your eggs, let alone ALL of them into a basket woven by anything she says right now.
Believe nothing they say and only half of what you see... I think it goes like that. Basically, do it for you because what they say, do or think may change from minute to minute and if you are "attached" to them in that way, you are sure to be in for a much more extreme rollercoaster ride.
All in all, I think you are doing VERY well and it's really nice to see you "getting" it so early on.
