I am in no position today to offer much help to you but I would like to point out two things. First, it's great you are getting IC. It WILL help you. Second, while it is GREAT that she is opening up to you and telling you R things that you can right down, etc, those are things that you need to file away for a future when you have an R to use them in. The changes you are looking to make TODAY are the ones you discover on your own. They are changes that you are going to make that will positively impact your life, with or without her in it. Ultimately, they WILL impact her life as well but you CANNOT make them for that reason. This is the first, and hardest step of DB in my opinion; realizing that it HAS to be self determined AND self motivated in order to be true. If you changes all come from her, or what she says, they will be tainted. She doesn't REALLY know what she wants right now but life with you seems to be what she doesn't want. She THINKS she knows who you are and what you are in your marriage but you need to shake that belief. You need to show her that you are a man with his own ideas and life.
I think you are on the right track. If she does initiate R talk, listen, take notes if you want but make sure that whatever changes you make are based on what YOU want from yourself, NOT what she wants. I suspect you being too much of what you thought she wanted helped get you here in the first place.
