Well, In case you all were wondering, my husband brought the dog home today. It turns out that he took the dog to the dog run at a park and his sister was supposed to meet him there but she did not show up. I was at home for lunch today and my husband calls and wants to go out to lunch, but I told him I only had a half hour left and would not be able to go. (I was not detaching here, I really only had that much time left). Well he comes home and he is talking to me and I am telling him about some family issues that my side of the family is going through and I asked him about some of his family memebers and of course he brings up the OR talk again. He always brings it up. He says "You would still want to be married to me after all of this?" I said, "Haven't I answered that question before?" He said yeah and then he is looking in my eyes and I said what? and he says he is just looking to see if any thing is there. He is trying to figure out what I am thinking. Then he says "What if you felt like you loved me like a brother and and you weren't in love with me? I of course then took the ball and ran with "So you feel like you love me like a sister?" and he says he doesn't know- he of course cannot come up with any explanation of why he thinks he is not in love with me except for the not missing me all the time and not always having butterflys in his stomach when he sees me. He says he does miss me, but he just doesn't know. We talked for a long time (past my lunch hour) and I did talk about things that I thought that we both did wrong and he asked me what I thought that he did wrong and I did tell him a few things (that we both should have spoke up and worked on things and maybe things would not be where they are today.) I know that I should not have talked about a lot of things like people realizing that maybe they don't want to be married, but they know they made that committment, and they do things to work on it and the feelings come back and thier marriage is even stronger for it and he says yeah but there are people that work on it and it still doesn't work. I said, well at least they worked on it. I told him that maybe he needs to look at some of the things that he used to write me and watch our wedding video or something. (I know this is not DB'ing. I talked alot and then he came over and said you are right, and he held his hand out to me and I took it and he pulled me up and hugged me for a long time (he had tears in his eyes (I did not lose it in front of him) and I told him while we were hugging, "You know what I miss? and he said what? and I said I miss my friend, my best friend. and he said I know, I miss you too. Then he said something to the effect of Dammit, you get me all emotional. Anyway, we left because I had to go back to work.
I am back at work and then he calls me and starts talking about stuff that he wants to show me about these bodybuilding supplements and then he says
"It was really nice to talk to you today. I don't know but if I was you and would just divorce me and and we stay friends and then if something happens and I realize that I messed up and I can't live without you then I hope that you are single and then I will have to do a lot of a** Kissing to try and get you back. He says I am so confused, I feel like today that I could go down and file for a "D", but then two weeks from now I may want to just rip up the papers. I don't know i am so confused. He say's I keep waiting and nothing is changing. I then mention that we aren't doing anything together and trying to see if things will change and he says I know. I also told him that I did see some changes even if he did not see them, I see that he is confused now wheras in the beginning he said he knew what he wanted. He says that we will talk tomorrow or Wednesday he will probably come home to mow the lawn.
Do you all think that I blew it with talking about the relationship since he brought it up? Do you think I am wrong (in the DB'ing sense) for any of the things that I said to him? I really need some "expert" advice here. I am so confused and I am trying to keep up my PMA but it is really hard anymore. I know I need to realize that I will be ok without him, but I don't know that I honestly believe that yet. I just remember all of the good things about us, and know that we had (have) something special that should not be thrown away.
Did your all's spouses ever say anything like the things that my husband is saying?
