Well today I had a breakthrough! I had a personal breakthrough. I went out today to race and I realized something huge and when I got home I explained it to my W. I had the breakthrough that I don't have to be upset because I know I gave it 110% and I filled her wants and needs. She needs and wants to be with that other person that's fine I am filling her wants and needs just like I did through the whole relationship. I told her I could forgive her for lots of things including the EA, her coldness her bitterness. But I would not forgive her for giving up on me when she did not give 110% and that's what will get me through knowing I did everything I could filling her every want and need including this one and I think that she will think about that. I will have peace in knowing that fact, she can do what ever she wants but I did this for her and I'm sure that will eat at her for years to come. I wasn't trying to hurt her but I needed closure to detach. For the first time in a long time she held me and cryed. She hasn't done that for years and years. Of course I pushed her away some with this conversation but if now I truely can detach and not lose more sleep over it and have my feelings hurt she will see that and realize it someday. Maybe she won't see that for years but someday she will see it when someone hurts her as bad as she has hurt me. The good thing is I will be over it right here and now and will still be in her life without us hating each other and being friends.
Oh well I'm happy now and feel like I'm at peace. Just like today she tried to hide the fact she talked to him for 46 minutes today while I was gone. (Deleted callerid) Guess she didn't realize she left the Vonage call log up on her computer. I just fluffed it off and laughed knowing I gave her every last want and need she had.
