Hey there! It is me again. I have not posted for awhile and I wanted to first thank you for your support and advice. It is always appreciated from someone who has been through this and has come out of it still with a better marriage.

Here is the new scoop. I saw my husband yesterday and as he has been hinting at doing things that he regrets and handling things the wrong way as I was the one going to counseling and turning into the woman that he married and fell in love with (all his words and I did not initiate any othe the OR talks, he did.) ANyway, yesterday at lunch I did find out that he has "dated" since our separation. (For more information about this woman see my other posts (you can do a seach). To make a long story short though, this is a coworker that has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. She is now on medication (he helps to give her her shots sometimes) and he says that they are friends and have gone out an talked and just hung out. As he is telling me this, I did not cry or lose it in any way. I did not ask a lot of questions as to how far this dating thing has gone, although I have really had a hard time not imagining what went on. I just did not break down in fron of him. It hurts like he!! and I am having a hard time coping. I feel like I should be mad and just give him a D and move one, but on the other hand I have really learned a lot about the things that I did wrong in our relationship and although I am not saying that this was justification in him dating since we separated, I am saying that I almost understand it. I mean before I was married and with a boyfriend, if things go really bad between us, and someone else showed interest and they wern't always fighting it is wasy to get sucked into that behavior of this is better and they are crazy and I did kiss a guy when this happened. It is as if you are trying to make yourself feel better by finding someone who is paying attention to you. I know that is no excuse, but I almost understand it. I just don't know what to do now. He admits that although he has dated, the thought of me doing it even though he can't tell me that I can't, would kill him. He also admits that he cannot ever imagine me not being in his life in some way. This makes me angry. If he misses me and does not want me to be with anyone and cannot imagine me not in his life, then why in the world is he not at home with me trying to work things out versus trying to make things dissapear and forget about them by going out with this girl? I had said, sure I could go out with someone to try and make me fell better and yeah, it may be new and exciting because it is different, but what would that help. He said, oh, have you gone out with someone? (you should have seen the look on his face). And I told him NO, that I had not. It would not help to make things any better.

Do you have any advice for me. He does stay with her brother for the most part (he is married with kids), but he did tell me yesterday that he has stayed at her house. I am not stupid, I assume it was in the same bed. He then tells me that her son is getting on his nerves (he is ADHD). Just a little info on this woman. She has been married 2-3 times before. I just do not know what to do. How can he work on us, if he is around her? He did say that it is easier for him to not be around me or come to our house to see our 4 dogs because then he can try not to think about things. He did say yesterday that he is confused and does not know what to do, but that he did not think that he was what could make me happy. I told him that was for me to decide and not him. I told him that I anm working on me and that I know that I have to make me happy. I am really trying hard to kwwp up my PMA, but I swear it has been really hard to do the last few weeks. I was doing better and then I backslide.

Any and all advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much.

Michelle, If you are reading this I would appreciate your advice as well.