Over the past year,I have posted countless times to Michelle's board.Periodically,I have deleted posts as I made progress,since this is not just "my story" but it belongs to my family.It's impossible to have annonymity on the internet,but I choose to be prudent.
I am happy to share what worked in my case,but would prefer,not to relive every detail.
My situation is similar to most of yours...Married for 17 years,two children and a spouse having some sort of identity crisis(MLC)which looked like it would necessitate a divorce.Possible EA realtionship and perhaps even more.
H refused to engage in any effort to resolve marital problems,so I proceeded,by myself, to heal our relationship.
My religious beliefs and devotion to my children were the foundation for my refusal to allow our family to be destroyed,w/o a tremendous effort on my part to avert this disaster.
No longer could I wallow in self pity re the abuses I encountered,I had a plan of action, which I implemented,that required 100%of my energy and enourmous patience.At times,my feelings toward spouse for all the anguish he had created were extremely negative.
However,my children and the belief that my H had a good heart somewhere inside kept me going.Relating his MLC to a life threatening disease was a good analogy for me.I detached from all the despicable symptoms of his illness and refused to personalize his "unhappiness".I withdrew from potential conflicts and acted like a sounding board using active listening techniques.
I decided to "not be so available"and went back to work,leaving H w children at every opportunity.This helped enormously as it increased my self esteem and caused my H to "miss" me.It was a turning point.
I had several slips,but always got right back on my DB horse and continued the journey.
It has been a long a painful journey,but I have come out ahead as a result.I have more confidence and wonderful career opportunities,if I want to pursue them.My H and have rediscovered one another and are closer than we ever were initially.
It's time for "carpool" and i must pick up my children,but will check in again.
Don't give up on yourselves and the power you have within you! I would like to be of help to you.... as so many have helped me over the past 16 months....Jenny Baker
