Sorry I've been away all weekend. Just caught up on you all and now I go to find my own thread almost off the first page. THAT would be a first, lol.
Anyway, starting with Friday night, the concert 2.5 hours away, it was GREAT. We had a nice time. We talked a lot on the ride two and from and just had a good time. I made an effort to put my arm around her as we walked in addition to all the "gentlemanly" things she likes like me opening the door for her, etc. She seemed ok with it but I grew VERY conscious that I was the only one doing this and she was not reciprocating at all. Not that it's unusual for our R going all the way back to the beginning but it's my new awareness that I am not happy with a one way physical relationship that I guess made me notice more than usual. I did not say anything because I am going to just communicate with my actions for awhile and see where that gets me. She said that one thing she didn't like was that I would never hold her hand when we walked, etc, so I will just try to do more of that and see how things go. So far, so good.
After we got home and went to bed, said goodnight to my mom (my parents were babysitting), I tried to give her a "goodnight" kiss. To go back a little, all night I had been playfully saying that it was our "first date". Actually, we both kinda played that up. It was fun. So, back to bed and the "goodnight kiss" from our first date... I TRIED to give her a kiss and she pulled back a bit. It stung a bit but then again, was not totally unexpected because there had been a fair amount of innuendo throughout the evening and I think SHE thought I expected sex. IT went THAT well so I can see how that may have been her mindset. I just let it pass. There was NO point in discussing anything as far as I was concerned.
Again, a GREAT night with good company and great music. Oh, and BTW, I survived. If you recall, it was James Blunt that we went to see and if you are familiar with his songs, you know why it was REALLY hard during certain ones to keep it together. It helped the he was REALLY good live.
One funny thing that happened was that on my way to the bathroom a woman stopped me to ask me what my shirt said (it has Japanese writing on it). I said I didn't know and she went on about how this friend of hers got a tattoo in Japan and it said something lewd...blah blah blah. She was with her boyfriend or at least a guy who was nice enough to tell me she was drunk and to ignore her (no, really?). I told W that some drunk woman started up a convo with me (I did say she was with her man) and she seemed amused but also a little jealous.
The weekend was nice. Saturday we just went to lunch with my parents and spent the rest of the day goofing off.
Mother's day I let W sleep in and then gave her the presents from me and the kids. She appreciated them and then decided that she wanted us to take the kids to Disney, which was a big surprise because before I had talked about taking them on my own if she wanted some alone time. That was before all the panic stuff from earlier in the week. So we went, had a crappy time and left early because W was not feeling well (women's issues). A minor breakthrough for me was that I supported this decision. Normally I would lobby to stay longer and point out how disappointed the kids would be to leave. This time I didn't and she seemed happy about that. We went to the mall next to spend her GC and things wend great for the rest of the day.
At the end of the night, it was LATE (12:45am) but when she came to bed, I offered to give her the traditional Mom's Day massage that I have always given her and talked about earlier in the day. I actually didn't think she would want it but to my surprise, she said she wanted it. So I did and made sure to add a little more effort into it than normal so she would feel the "specialness" of it. I think it worked. It was probably the first time that I gave her a full body massage WITHOUT making an attempt at sex and again, she seemed to REALLY appreciate this.
While it may seem to be a step in the wrong direction, I saw that as a REALLY big step in the right direction because one of the things I am trying to do is separate certain things from ALWAYS being associated with sex to her, namely physical contact, especially massages. I want her to know that I WANT to touch her, even intimatly, without necessarily having it lead to sex so that when it DOES lead to sex, it is a natural progression of things and NOT something she feels pressured into. I want her to FEEL like doing it, not feel like she needs or has to and by desexualizing touch in our relationship (notice, I did NOT say making it passionless mind you) I think we can begin to be more intimate outside the bedroom and eventually MUCH more intimate inside it. (Oh, and OT, I have NOT forgotten the book)
So, there you have it. Sorry for the marathon post. I will try not to stay away for that long again.
