Just one thing from two nights ago...There was a little more kissing and lots more physical stuff going on and best of all, when W came to bed, instead of staying on her side, as she has been doing for some time now, she faced me, snuggled right up to me and hugged me until she fell asleep. Wow. That was nice. I actually acknowleged it yesterday telling her how nice it was to have her do that.
So, now It's Friday, the day of our big concert trip.
Last night was kinda good and kinda bad.
W has been REALLY depressed lately, especially in the morning. She asked me to stay home with her yesterday and even though it was REALLY bad timing in terms of work, I did it. She appreciated it a lot I think. We went and did some mom's day shopping (my mom's babysitting for us tonight) and picked the kids up from school early for lunch (they loved that). I did have to go to work for awhile but by then W was ok. The early evening was good after the kids went to bed. Lots of flirting and I initiated a good share of hugs and just general physical closeness while we were watching TV. That in response to her saying in the last R talk "in the 10 years we've spent on the couch together you've NEVER made any effort to be intimate or affectionate." Of course, that's not quite true but I accept that it's how she sees it and so I have upped my effort on that front, holding her a lot and just being "closer" most of the time. She does not resist and often gives signs of appreciation for it.
In general, our physical interaction and flirting have gone way up. She made a comment about me walking around in my undies and I said "well, I look great, so why not" with a laugh. She said "I never said you didn't now did I?" with a equally big grin. Stuff like that is a daily occurrence over the past week or so.
That was the good...not the not so good...
Last night, she started talking to me in bed by saying that she really appreciated me sticking by her through all this. From there she went on for about an hour about how she thought she was a failure, and mostly because of the DUI and not so much the rest of it. She did reference the affair by calling it such for I think the first time ever and did apologize for it a few times. Mostly I just held her, listened and tried to validate her. At one point I did start to gently encourage her to seek help because I really think she would benefit from at least talking to someone professional as well as some meds. Of course, she shut this down quickly. She just won't do it. I stopped pressuring her about this because she started to get upset and shut down on me. I think she just needed to talk and wanted to be able to do that without me "fixing" her or just saying she needed to take a pill. I realized that pretty quickly, said my peace and then went back to validating stronger than before. She seemed to be ok with that and continued talking.
I am worried about her. I know I should expect this because of all she's going through but I wish she would see someone about it. I am not going to force the issue though because for the most part, she's ok, and when she's not, she seems like she's willing to lean on me, which is unlike her in the past. I think it's important for me to be a good listener and NOT judge or fix her.
SO, we are off to see some music tonight and I will post how it went tomorrow.
