OT, do you find these things in a WAW script book?
Let's just say I know what didn't work with XH. Even though I know that could never have been a good R for me, I also know what was counterproductive in getting to a point of resolution in that XM.
I also was lucky enough to have grown alot and learned alot that allowed me to work through some issues with H in ways that helped us both before we got M. One of the best things I said more than once and that I truly lived by in a fairly accepting way because it way *my choice*, though it wasn't always easy, was "I am not going to be in this R more than you are, it isn't good for anyone, especially me."
Oh, and P.S. GH...
Re the outright denial and your head shouting "LIAR" to you... I sincerely think it is different than the lie of the uncaring WAS who is in a FU mode saying get the F out of my biz with the lies.
I think your W is in a very very different place than that. She is trying her best to be honest with you, there is only so much honesty with herself she can bear at once... I think she feels horrible lying to you and is giving you as much honesty as she can face and as she can risk. Even once she accepts it, she has to risk losing you with each thing she tells you. That is why it is so much easier for her to keep avoiding herself, the truth, dealing with cutting OM off, etc... She really is trying though, it will be a long struggle. When she can finally get it all out and feel like she has a clean slate, it will be a huge turning point.
Anyway, if you get the denial, don't hear "LIAR", hear her telling you that right now she hates herself and is too scared to tell you more...
