I like your own answer on the tough question of outright denial...
I guess I agree that if there is an outright denial, there is not much you can do... I don't think pushing it will help, she will feel like you don't trust her, which would be true, lol... She can't admit it to you, in any case, until she can be honest with herself and you can't make her do that...
But, I also agree with Rob that you don't want to simply passively drop it.
Maybe a direct honest reaction (yet again, lol), "Wow, I guess I'm afraid to believe that, I'm scared I would be fooling myself and letting us both down in the long run. My intuitions and things I have seen really tell me that there is more to the physical side and that there is or was a concern about pregnancy. But, that is my problem right now and I'll have to find a way to deal with those thoughts and feelings.
As for talking about it right now, I guess I'm feeling like this conversation can't really go anywhere until we are both feel like we are freely choosing based on our own wishes to do the hard work it will take to rebuild trust. I don't feel confident that we are there yet, so I guess we need to set this to the side for awhile and maybe revisit it later. Right now, more rounds of denials and accusations aren't going to do either of us any good because we aren't in a clear R-building mode. That isn't necessarily a bad thing -- growth takes both space and time, and we both need some measure of that if we are to find a healthy R, and I'm certainly no expert on how much of either I need or you need."
Anyway, whatever happens will be good enough, your heart and mind are both in the right place. That makes your actions right -- you simply can't control her reactions and all the consequences. You can only sincerely try your best, and that is always good enough in my book.
