Ok you two (and anyone else for that matter) here is what I have so far. This was pretty stream-of-consciousness with very little editing so go gently on me.
Ok my mentors...here is what I came up with so far. (Of course the language would be a little different in person but...)
W,
I first want to say that my position has not changed at all. I love you and I want our marriage to be better than ever when we get past this. To that end I have something I want to talk to you about and I hope we can talk honestly and openly about it. I have been trying to wait for a perfect time to talk, but there will never be one so I've just decided be direct with this, something I have had a problem with in the past. I don't want to continue to keep this in and act differently than I want to towards you because of it.
Thursday, while doing the bit of laundry you asked me to do for you, I was cleaning out your pockets and found a receipt. I looked at it to see if it was something I could throw away and saw that one of the items on it was a pregnancy test. This really shocked me. I was deeply hurt not just because it seemed to confirm what I already suspected, but I also hurt for you because I now realize that this was what you may have been stressed about in the beginning of the week but felt you couldn't talk to me about it. I want you to know you can, and I am asking you to now so that we can begin to deal with some of the rest of this that you have not told me about before now and I have been left to guess about.
From there, she will probably interject. These are my points I would want to get across, or things I would want to know about in the ensuing conversation.
- Her admission of the PA and what happened with the suspected pregnancy - Her at least saying the PA is over and putting a time frame on it - I am hurt but more by the dishonesty than the A that is one part of it - I CAN and WILL forgive her - Are we in an R where honesty and fidelity can be expected - How does that honesty manifest itself? Are there still secrets possible or should we expect each other to be a "open book"?
If she tries to deflect the conversation to my snooping, I will just say something like: "I understand you are upset. I never intended to find this out. I did not seek the information and if I could un-know it, I probably would but now that I do know, I think we need to talk about it for both out sakes."
The one thing I am most afraid of is her just shutting down on me. It's her habit to do that and if she does it tonight, I don't quite know what to do. In the past I would just follow her if she left the room and keep things going. Sometimes that would re-engage her in the conversation, other times it would not. If she does that tonight, I would be at a loss.
I DO just want to be compassionate and I hope I will be able to maintain that stance no matter how she responds.
