Well...first off, thanks OT for your kudos...coming from you that means a lot to me.
Secondly GH, I think OT brings up some very good points...the fact is, and correct me if I am wrong, but your W did state her intention to seek reconciliation with you did she not? Her actions or inactions may, at least in your mind, speak otherwise, but the point is she did express that intention. The questions that OT poses are very good ones. They aren't designed to manipulate any situation, but they do put forth some very valid concerns. The point is, if she can't be straightforward and honest about them, then at the least, you know where things stand.
Yes, I suspect that your W will try to shift the focus back onto your snooping (if it can be correctly labeled as such), mine has done the same thing to me whenever something comes to light that I "shouldn't" have found out about. But, the fact is...you do know about it, whether you meant to find it or not. I guess in some respects, its as much about her reaction that you should be concerned about...if she does shift the focus, then at least that tells you that she is NOT in a position to be open and honest about your relationship, and that, in and of itself, speaks volumes.
Being compassionate and loving doesn't mean being docile and passive....I think you can still have your concerns aired here. I guess its your reaction to whatever answers to you may or may not recieve that will determine whether your are being compassionate and loving. If she comes clean, then compassionate and loving may mean your forgiveneess and acceptance to move beyond the sitch. If she doesn't come clean, then being compassionate and loving would mean accepting that your R hasn't progressed to the point that you thought it had, and understanding why it hasn't (whether its because she isn't ready for it yet, etc.) and affording her the space necessary to get to that point.
In any event, holding it any further is only going to be counter productive to you and your goals....you have a right to express how you feel, but it doesn't necessarily guarantee a right to have her feel the same way back. Either way, you will know where you stand.
Hopefully that makes sense....I'm sure others can put it much more eloquently than I can.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
