Look my friend, I'm probably the last person to offer any "good" advice in these sitchs and I'm sure everyone else will chime in with their perspective which will probably make a hell of a lot more sense than I do. The fact is, you have a right to be angry....you have a right to be emotional. No matter what you may have tried to convince yourself about before, the fact that its staring you in the face is another thing entirely. So yes, if I were in your position (and who knows, I may be someday....I have my own inklings) I'd be very po'd and likely to throw all DB principles out the window.
That being said, however, I don't beleive you should throw all those principles out the window. Should you confront her with it...I say yes because holding it for you right now is only manifesting itself in other ways (i.e. passive/aggressive behavior, anger, bitterness, etc.)...she's not dumb, I guarantee you that she has sensed this tension despite your best efforts to conceal it. The longer it festers, the more resentment you'll build. The fact is, you're allowed to be angry, hurt, confused....just as much as she is allowed to be.
Yes, you do DESERVE an honest, loving relationship...we all do....yet, we both know that our S's are not in a place to provide us with that at this moment in time....it is the way it is. We have chosen to live with this drama in the hopes that our respective S's will be the ones to provide us with that....I'm not trying to rain on your self-described pity party (although I don't see it that way) but it is a choice we have made.
Look GH, I wish I had all the right answers, but I don't...nobody does...we all have to do what we feel is right and hopefully it ultimately leads us to the place where we want to be. You'll eventually do what you feel is right for you. Just because you have reacted to this information in the way that you have doesn't make you any less of a valid DB'er than you have been in the past. DB doesn't mean that we all sit passively by and let every emotion and action roll off our backs...everyone has a bad day now and again...there comes a time when you have to state how you feel.
I'm sure I'll take a hit from others on this, but the fact is, the negative stimuli has affected you....it is very powerful and you're attempts to push it futher down are only going to manifest themselves into other negative behaviors that may seriously undermine your efforts anyway. That's my humble opinion, take it for what its worth.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
