Taking a step back...GH saga part 11

[RBinBR]

Whew. GH, it takes a while to catch up on you after being gone for a week.

Since my W has twice told me that she thought she might be pregnant with OM's child, I can sympathize with that pit in your stomach that you feel right now.

I think you need to abandon the idea that the OM sexually assaulted your W. I don't think she would still be talking to him (as she clearly is) if that were the case.

I want to spend a little time talking about your sex life and mine. You've used condoms for years because your W is paranoid about getting pregnant (and I assume that she doesn't trust the pill or she has some medical reason not to use it.)

My W made me pull out before ejaculation for the last several years for the same reason. She didn't want to be on the pill because it might conflict with her other meds.

So, my W first has unprotected sex with her OM and then gets on the pill (which does make her nauseated, which causes her to quit it -- but this was a month ago and I don't know what she is doing with him now).

So why didn't your W make the OM use a condom? If you're like me, part of your anger is that she's taking risks with the OM that she wouldn't take with you. Your sex life endured a constraint, while hers with the OM was carefree. It seems to tell you that she loved (or loves) the OM more than she's loved you, and that hurts deeply.

The point I'm trying to make, though, is that maybe this sexual risk-taking is part of the thrill of the A. Maybe the rush that comes with taking a risk like that is something that increases the appeal of escaping a "boring" life. There are many motivations for an A, but a need for excitement and the thrill of taking a forbidden risk may be part of the allure of the A for both your W and mine.

I don't know if this was helpful at all, but I thought it might have some bearing on your sitch.

BTW, I'm definitely in favor of your discussing this with your W, but I think you should save it for the next R talk that she initiates. I think that it will seem accusatory if you bring the topic up and she will point the finger at you for snooping, as you have suggested.