Sorry for the delay in responding. I haven't quite figured out the proper etiquette of how and where to post yet. Unfortunately most of my posts get scattered as I end up making a post about myself on another topic about something else.
Anyway, here's the story about what happened when I got home. It's copied from a post I made on a different topic.
Here's the post: ******************************************
Hey guys,
Went to dinner last night with the wife, and we continued to talk. Found out a few things. Maybe some of this can give you a touch of insight into the mind of a WAW.
1. She was very apologetic to me for what she felt she "put me through" these past two months. It took me quite a while to convince her to stop apologizing, as the main reason we are going through what we are now was my indifference over the past few years.
2. She told me that she wanted to resume being intimate. She said the lack of intimacy was her way of "punishing" me for what had happened.
3. She said she was feeling terribly lonely (possibly due to my backing off and giving her space) and that maybe what she needed was staring her right in the face and she was trying so hard not to see it.
4. She said she was taking Prozac for her stress. (Besides our marriage, she does have a high stress job and our kids are at a tough age.) This I did not know, and it concerned me greatly. I didn't want her feeling like it was the drug that made her reach this decision and not her or me. I pointed this out immediately, and she insisted that all the Prozac did was help calm her down enough where she could actually think clearly. In fact she said while she doesn't like the percieved "stigma" of taking Prozac, she is feeling much better about a lot of things. She said when she called the doctor to ask about them, he didn't even ask her to come in, he gave her the perscription right over the phone saying everyone goes through tough times every now and then.
5. She said what got the ball rolling with her decision yesterday started on her way out the door going to work. She was taking my daughter to pre-school and had given me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek and then on the way out the door said "I'll see you later." When my 2 year old daughter heard that, she let go of my wifes hand and came running up to me yelling "Bye Daddy!" and asking for a hug. I picked her up and gave her a big bear hug. She laid her head on my shoulder for a second then picked it up gave me another hug and kiss and said "I love you Daddy."
I didn't know my wife was watching us that closely, but I guess it started something up in her that got her thinking that there was one of those for her too, if she would only let me back in.
6. She said she wanted me to know straight upfront that we aren't out of the woods by any means, and that she still isn't feeling things she thinks she is supposed to feel. But she wanted me to know that it would never come back unless we worked on it together.
So, that's where I'm at. I was in the best of moods yesterday, and last night was truly wonderful. To be held again by the woman I love, combined with the feeling that she wanted to be holding me for HER instead of for me was enough to keep me going for quite some time.
I thought I would wake up this morning with the same kind of care-free attitude that carried me through last night. Instead I surprised myself with this desire, this push, to keep up with what I was doing.
These changes I have been working so hard on and have promised her would be permanent have been getting easier all the time, but they are not yet automatic. That means there is still room for improvement and I can't quit working on them.
- Frustrated
I guess I have blabbered enough. I have only been posting here a short time, but I have been a lurker for quite a while longer. This is a huge hill that we all need to climb and I want to thank everyone who lent me an ear and some words of advice and encouragement when I felt like I couldn't make it on my own.
Now that I feel less like a lost puppy and more like a man driven by clear set goals, I hope that some of my experiences can help some of you put a finger on some small detail that may get you a step closer to repairing your own marriage as well.
Cheers.
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To answer the one question about the "deep love" article, I never actually did get to see the full article. After your posts about it, I re-read my instant message and it does read differently than it should. That's because I mis-used the word "article" at the end of the IM when "summary" would have been more appropriate. Sorry about that. What I meant was that I had read something about this "deep love" (from someone on this board!!!) and that person did a good job summarizing the term. When I said I would see if I could find out where that came from, I meant I was going to go back and ask the poster to let me know where it was so I could find it for myself.
Oh well... So now when I go back to find out who posted about it, I'll let you all know where it came from too. I think we're all a bit curious and would like to read it.
For even more of an update: we were intimate Monday night, then had a wonderful day Tuesday. That night I resisted initiating sex again although the "guy" in me wanted nothing more than to do so. Instead I let her curl up next to me and we fell asleep that way. It was more than worth it, because yesterday morning she got up out of bed to go to the bathroom, and came back naked. Even early in our relationship she would want me to initiate things before she attacked me, so I can't help but savor this one. It was the best sex we've had in a long time.
God it feels so good to be wanted again. So much of me wants to stop here and say everything is all better, but I know we still have a long ways to go. She still has not said "I love you" to me yet, and until those words are uttered I will not let up in my efforts because I know there is still work to be done.
So I continue on down the path...
Yesterday after work I had to stop at the store for some diapers, soda, and soap. There was a very nice looking bouquet of flowers in the floral department of the supermarket. I bought them and put them in a vase on our kitchen table. The strangest thing is that I never even noticed that our supermarket even HAD a floral department before yesterday, and I am there at least once a week! When my wife got home, she asked why I bought her the flowers. To which I replied "Who said they were for you?"
Anyway, she loved them and it took no effort on my part. I literally did it for me as much as I did it for her. Additionally, it was the first time I ever bought flowers that weren't just roses, and weren't just for a special occasion. It's strange just how much more alive I feel these days.
I apologize if I seem "too happy for this board", but after so much hurt for so long, it feels good talk about something positive in my life.
