Thanks Dave for your thoughts. And welcome to that place where you can say "I am happy".
Detaching seems to be the most difficult thing for people to understand how to do, what the benefits are or realise that it is the best thing you can do for yourself. It allows you to deal with what is going on from a different place, a calm place where your emotions don't rule you. I'm glad you have reached that place.
It is liberating, I felt like the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted off my shoulders. It is also empowering because you accept the realisation that this is where you are at and nothing is going to change about that so you might as well be happy about it. Once you are accepting of the present situation, you have let go of the past and are starting to think about the future and what you want for yourself. THAT's when you can start to look objecively about the part you played in your relationship, the things you said and did that in spite of anything they said and did, were not the way you should have been treating the person you loved. Once you look at those, you change the way you deal with the person you love in the here and now. You know you love them, and you know you want to let them hear that you have returned to that person they knew when things were wonderful between you.
So the next time you speak to them, you treat them the way you know you should, the way you want to because that makes you happy with you and who you are. It is astonishing how quickly they stop being nasty and defensive. They can't react that way when you are being pleasant and kind and caring. They have no choice but to react differently. All of a sudden, communications change and it only takes one person to tip over that first domino.
It's so exciting when that happens and you realise that YOU did this because you kept your focus on yourself and how you want to change yourself and be happy. It also shows you that you always have a part in whatever happens between you, whether they are at home, or separated or even divorced. You choose the action that gives a good reaction instead of a bad one.
Here I go again, rambling on. I could talk about this for pages and pages and pages, but I am trying hard to just make my point and stop there - not very succesfully.
Keep up the PMA - it's good to start smiling again.
