Your are proof that detachment is the key. You and ChrisJ, SS, and many others have made great strides by detaching from your spouses and accepting that they might come around or they might not - and thats ok too! Sure, we hope to rebuild our relationships with our SO's but if we dont, we will find someone else and they will benefit from what we've learned. I really admire you for all that you've done. I am just now getting it. Its one thing to say that you've detached but quite another to actually FEEL it and I'm finally FEELING detachment from my w and her behaviors. Its so liberating! But its taken me a long time to get there and I still have days that I backslide somewhat. But overall, I'm in a good frame of mind.
Thanks for confirming what many have been telling me (especially Chris). We cant control our SO's feelings and behaviors, we can only control our own. The sooner we get this, the sooner we can begin to heal and open the door for reconciliation or to decide to move on in confidence.
