You sound like you've found such peace within yourself and about your relationship with H. I'm so glad to hear that. Keep up the good work and may you continue to learn and understand.
JW,
I understand your concern too. Wouldn't it be nice that besides H's return home he also came packed with a new, complete understanding of what you need. I could ramble about this subject, but won't. For now, think positive and enjoy what you have. Once you feel you are really over the hurdle and the two of you are stronger, try a new approach to what YOU want from him. Right now he may interpret it differently at this phase of your reconcillation. Don't forget "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kriedman. He just may enjoy it!! Good luck to you and I admire your success and patience.
Chelsea I bought Light Her Fire and layed it on the end table next to his recliner. He won't even open the first page. I left "His Needs Her Needs in the bathroom where I thought he might take a minute to see what my needs are and again he didn't even open the cover. Thanks for your support. Got any more suggestions?
I know my H cares about me but for some reason I don't understand he can't show me he cares in the ways I want. Unfortunatley it has left me feeling as though my needs are simply not important to him, and that is so painful to me when I have worked so hard to meet his needs. I will see my therapist alone in a few hours. I sure hope she can help me understand why he is the way he is.
[This message has been edited by Johnswife (edited 02-21-2000).]
Did you ask him to read one or the other? Remember, we can't assume that because we left reading material in open sight that it will be read. Or (like my H) did you get the "I'm not a reader" answer. AUGH!
I have wanted to ask my H to make the effort to read one or the other, just to let him know how I tick, but we're not there yet. I think our H's would find the results from their effort....amazing. We must remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
Another suggestion? Tell him, tell him just what you need. For example if most mornings you like to be greeted with a kiss & hug with your morning coffee, then tell him. You can't assume he should just know to do it. I know, after "x" amount of years together you think you know someone...but, we obviously know different here in DB Land!
By the way, how long has it been since you and your H have been living back together? Did you have a period of getting back together B4 he moved home? Just curious. Hang in there JW, maybe just some time will cure things for you. Keep in touch.
Chelsea
[This message has been edited by Chelsea (edited 02-21-2000).]
Hi Chelsea. I wanted to answer your questions. My H didn't ever leave physically even though I think he left me emotionally a couple of years ago.
You see he got involved with a woman from work who was unhappy in her marriage and leaned on my H for support. She made him feel like a knight in shining armour and made him feel so good about himself.
My H forgot to sign off this computer one day last June right after our 30th anniversary and I went snooping and found the emails between him and the OW. I confronted him and he admitted that he was committed to the OW and was planning to leave me to be with her. Because our only child a daughter was in a very difficult and high risk pregnancy he decided he would stay home until January so as not to cause her stress.
Well I was lucky enough to find this wonderful place in the first couple of days after discovery and everyone here has helped guide me in my reactions to this trauma. It took a SBT therapist and this place to help get things turned around. It was early November when he let me know he was not going anywhere. We have come a long way but still have some things to work on. Check on my thread for the latest update.
