chelsea: haven't heard from you in a while. how are things going. i love reading this thread where i would love to be and probably never will be...how so many people get their mates to therapy and to complete surveys and reach for reconciliation. i haven't seen h in three weeks. talk with him...but as always, i fall into the trap and he pushes my buttons and i begin to talk about US and almost get to the begging/pleading thing....he didn't call last night like he promised...i refuse to call him. he called this morning thinking i had paged him...said he would call tonight. i have school break next week (no school today because of forecast of winter storm) and h probably doesn't even know i am off work and will be gone. once he figures it out, gives him 'permission' to sleep at ow i guess. i think she is legally separated but since my h isn't, he takes a big risk...he knows that. i have decided that yes, i will begin to move on but not file...i still have a glimmer of some hope...but my children and dearest and oldest friends continually tell me, h is never coming home (he tells me the same thing) so it is time to throw in the towel. i can't....i am afraid that i will regret it. have you all had that feeling.
considering the poor situation i am in...do you all still think getting michele's tapes would be helpful. i am dbing as best i can. backing off as best as i can. trying not to talk relationship...and to be up and positive. h keeps saying to others (he will never tell me or talk to me about his feelings...something that has gone on for years...i think for some reason he is afraid to be weak yet talking your feelings is not a sign of weakness but strength i think) that once i am stable he is filing...i feel damned.
i think my postings get repetitive as well. anyway...just thinking about all of you.
