Del,
Yes! Yes! Yes! I agree with you completely. Everything you said is so true!

I especially agree with your comments about that we tend to pick apart things our H's do or do not do based on what WE hold dear or true. When I start to not believe that my H does love me, itusually because he isn't being "affectionate" in the ways that I feel affection should be given. In his eyes, he IS being affectionate-- he comes over all the time, he returns the ILU's, he helps with the house hold projects, he talks to me on the phone (something he hates)....
I just have to remember to look at things the way he really MEANS them, and not interpret them MY way.

My H and I are filling out the emotional needs questionaires from the marriage builders sight. I have mine finished, but he is taking longer, because he isn't used to this type of self reflection and communication. I learned a lot about myself by just filling them out! And I can't wait to share them with my H. I know that his will help me figure out how to better meet his needs too=== what I am doing right, and where I can improve and how.

I think this will further us along the road to trust again. My H knows and admits that there are going to be trust issues. Even if he didn't have the OW, there is trust issues because he left at all... but I think trust is a gift we give ourselves--just like forgiveness. It means we take a risk in getting hurt again, BUT I know I can't live in a trustless marriage, so I can't be the one to deny the trust. I have to take that chance.

Don't you just love the rush of the leaps of blind faith?