Well, today I am more settled and more clear than ever. I know my W and I know that working on my M is my job. I also know that I need to nurture myself by GAL and that by nurturing myself I will be able to grow my patience in my sitch.
My W's friends fill her head with horror stories about how nasty divorces ARE. I know divorces CAN BE nasty, but ours has not been nasty. I know that right now I am the only one who believes in and wants to reconcile and rebuild our M and keep our nuclear family together. But that's OK for now. I have learned that I can change the dynamics of OR by myself and that, right now, the work is MINE and God's.
Also, my W's friends say that I can be nasty; that she should be on the look out for me. Of course, I said nothing about her behavior towards me. As I said previously, since I started being gently assertive and standing up for myself when attacked, she has taken to apologizing for her surly behavior. Hmmm.... I am taking notice of the baby steps and keepin' on keepin' on with my DB efforts.
One of the more recent issues with my W is that I am moving into a complex that one of my co-workers lives at. My W begins asking me if I have a thing for my co-worker. I stopped her and told her, "I will answer your question, but first I want to ask you one. I thought that you and I were NOT going to be asking questions about the other's personal lives?" She then backs up and tells me, nevermind, it's none of my business. I told her, "No, I am not interested in my co-worker. But since I have stopped asking you about your personal life, I would appreciate it if you would stop accusing and asking me about mine." She agreed. Hindsight is 20/20. I needed to tell her that when she decides to work on reconciling/rebuilding our M I will answer ALL of her questions about my personal activities. What does the DB community think about that. I won't take credit for that statement, one of our DB posters said that in a previous post.
One last issue to discuss again. Weekends with our children. I am really unsettled with my W's wanting to change our weekend setup. I am trying to figure out why I feel so against splitting the weekends with our children. Within the next month I will have my own place for the first time since we separated. I know I will be working on GAL and I feel that my W's proposed change would work against me to getting my life in order and moving on in the path we are currently on. My friends say that splitting the weekends would really work against me settling into my new life's structure. Although I am not settled into my new place and really haven't started building my new life, I feel that splitting the weekend is going to be a hindrance to me moving on and getting settled into my new life. I know that in the past, the way my W wanted things is the way they went. I am fearful that I will have trouble changing that behavior and inisting on doing what is fair and right. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I am getting stronger every day, but I know my weakness is my W and her requests for her own way.
I need you words of encouragement to keep fighting the good fight. I know that working on me and keeping my heart open to reconciliation/rebuilding my M is the right thing to be working on. Sometimes I need my DB compatriots to lean on and hold me up. Thank you for reading my sitch.
