Friday evening my W told me why she was so drunk and mad at me on TH night. She said that she has been told be "someone" (my MIL most likely) that the main reason I wanted to change my weekend schedule with the children was to mess up her dating routine. I re-iterated to her that since her choice was to move forward with a D, then I needed to move on with my life and with only one of us (her) having a weekly weekend night off, it wasn't fair to me. I then told her, with good friends and family around to tell you sh*t like that, who needs enemies?
I know she's dating. Although it's not fine with me, I know I can't do anything about it, so why try? Anyway, she explained further, that after listening to her friends that divorces are nasty and she "should" be nasty. She was also warned about me! Interesting, b/c none of her friends know me other the one-sided version of any story my W would tell them regarding a disagreement. As I stated in a previous post, "No matter how thinly you slice a piece of bread, there are always TWO sides." I told my W, we are not fighting about money or the children. I suggested that she take a good look at the women and THEIR subsequent divorces to see why they would pass along such "advice." Again, I only wish my W would give me and our M a chance to reconcile and rebuild stronger than ever. Be this as it is, I do not begrudge my W's right to choose the path she has chosen due to my infidelity. It is her right. As it is my right to NOT give up!
Interesting story tonight. My W was talking about doing so much hard work to treat someone how to treat her right and then it's over. I asked her, "Have I learned to treat you even "marginally" better over the course of our realationship?" She giggled, saying, "YES! To bad it's over." To which I responded, well, you and I are going to be in each other's lives for the rest of our lives, so you will certainly reap the benefit of being treated better by me." She then said, well, you will be able to use what you've learned in your next relationship to make it go well. I said, I am not looking that far ahead. I am focusing on the present.
I know, fellow posters, that was probably a fruitless portion of the evening, but it still sticks out in my mind.
It's so predictable to know that my W has circled the wagons with a bunch of ANTI-marraige women. Interesting thing is that so many of them, including my W, pass themselves off as Christian. SIDEBAR: My W was telling me that since she found out about my A, she understood why the Bible says that infidelity is a reason for D. Well, being the analytical person that I am, I looked it up and found that nowhere in the Bible does it say, if Infidelity occurs you MUST then Divorce. The next day on the radio, they wwre talking about the A issue and they stated that the Bible was talking about the "chronically" unfaithful. Anyway, I ended up telling my wife that nowhere in the Bible does it say if Infidelity occurs you MUST then Divorce. Unfortunately, it apparently fell on deaf ears as people read the Bible the same way they live their lives an dlisten to others, piece by piece, verse by verse, compartmentalized, taking what serves them to support the path they have chosen
I told my wife, believe it or not, I am PRO-marriage and most people are NOT. She said I know you are. So am I. Hmmmm.... I wonder what that REALLY means to her. I wonder what being a Christian woman really means to her also. Probably nothing on both counts. More noise to keep me spinning my wheels.
I learned some things this week that are both sobering and sad. I can count on two fingers, the # of non-family members I can trust with my feelings. No matter, I have learned that lesson. I am going dark on so many friends that I am not absolutely certain I can trust to keep my confidence. Pretty much everyone in my life either lies or passes along only excerpts from a conversation with me so MY story is either convoluted or flat out wrong.
One more thing, my W finally brought up our weekend time with our children. She said it is too hard on her and our son to be away from him because he is only 9 mos. I don't believe it's hard on my son. He does great with me. I again told her, tell me what the weekend structure looks like to you and her proposal was that I take them on FRI or SAT evening, my choice, and she would take them on the other evening EVERY week. We would work out other special occassions together as they come up. I don't want to work out things "as they come up." I want it set, and we can talk about special considerations, but I want it set.
My gut reaction is NO, keep it set. I want the routine to be as I already proposed it, which is that I have a weekend with our children from Fri evening to Sunday evening, every other weekend. I am needing to GAL away from my family, so I feel that having every other weekind available to go away would help facilitate my GAL. Any thoughts on this subject?
In closing, I am having the hardest time putting up my walls to ward off my W and her requests for assistance for her. I am getting better at this, but then I backslide and jump right into being Mr. Helpful. I hate that trait of mine when it comes to her. I know I am not doing myself any favors being her darn "servant." Honestly, I don't think she is "making" me do these things, she just knows I will do pretty much whatever she asks. I am so predictable to her. Grrrr.
Well, I told her that I wanted to revisit whole weekend visitation structure with the children. I told her I will send her an e-mail. It's interesting, my 2 good friends tell me to keep my head up and to protect my interests with our children. They are NOT ANTI-marriage, just PRO-me. I find it so unfortunate that my W's camp is filled with a bunch of fearul, bitter, ANTI-marriage women whispering in my W's ear, filling her head with fears and possible future problems. But this is not unexpected, since her best friend is the one I "lovingly" refer to as the marriage cancer. Plus, my W has ALWAYS surrounded herself with her cronies who wouldn't dare question her path or position. Oh well, the are HER friends. And what nice friend to have! <SARCASM>
Any thoughts my fellow posters have about the weekend set up, let me know. My friends tell me splitting the weekends is not the usual set up. I don't like it. Am I being selfish. The change in my days/weekend time was my first request to change ANYTHING during our separation.
I am still hurting and hopeful. I always keep in mind the verse AmyC sent to me:
Quote: God grant me the courage not to give up on what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.
