I am so glad you asked. I have been struggling with saying NO to my W when she has something to do, like a loan signing. She always wraps her request for me to do HER a favor by mixing my desires to be with my children all the time. I ALWAYS take HER loan signings as MY responsibility to relieve her of HER obligations to our children, grrrr.
The question often comes like this, "Do you want to spend time with your children tonight?" THAT is a guilt-laden question. Uhhh, no I don't want to see my children. She knows I am not the kind of man who doesns't want to see his children.
Regardless, I know I need to say no when I mean to say no. I am getting there, slowly. I have been reading the 10 pages of Going Dark posts and they make sense to me. I know that going dark or at least "dimming" is the only hope that I have that my W will see (& perhaps re-think)what she is going to lose if she continues on her D path.
I just find it so incredibly difficult to break my codependent pattern with her. I was talking with a woman today who told me you are so strong with everyone else in your life, but when you talk about your situation with your wife that strength disappears. I see the same behavior in myself. I am STRUGGLING! Most of the people in my life are tired of telling me the same thing over and over. I know they feel like I am wasting their time. I just wish they would just understand that they ARE giving me strength to move forward a little bit at a time just by listening. I find that hearing my words out loud is therapeutic. Same goes for posting here.
Last night I had a great time with my children and my W told me she had a signing tonight (T). She said I was the first one she asked, that she could ask her mother if I wouldn't be with our children. Dummy old me. I said yes, AGAIN. I know I need to let her inconvenience other people in her life. I know I need to stop preventing her from needing to call on others to assist her in her time of need. I know that going dark will help me do this, as will GAL.
Right now I know I need to journal A LOT to mend my heart and mind. Any thoughts you may have while I am journaling daily would be most helpful and greatly appreciated. I am feeling really lonely as I fight the good fight. It is a lonely battle for me. Thanks for reading and caring.
Thank you again, Amy for checking in on me. I desperately needed your "touch' to not feel so alone.
