This weekend's shenanigans began on Friday evening when my W told me that I owe her $$$ for weekend debits from our joint checking account. To bring you up to date, we have been separated since Feb 11 and ALL of my pay has gone to the house to support my family. I told my W that my last paycheck was going to be the last one going in and I would pay her what we had agreed upon for child support.
My feeling is that the reality of the $$$ situation hit home with her and she started lashing out. Again, that was only the beginning. She also told me that I was UNinvited to her Mother's Day gathering and a couple friends' D's Bday party. Hmmm. I only said OK. I was hurt, but philosophical. I couldn't change that stuff unless I wanted to react in a very unDB-like way, which I didn't want to do. No backsliding for me, if I can help it.
Last night I asked her if I could take our children to church with me and she said NO. I told her again, I will abide by your wishes. Made me sad tho. Fast forward to the end of the 8:30 service. I checked my cell phone and she called. I called her back quickly (it is Mother's Day's afterall). She asked me to come over and help her with the kids because she was spent.
We talked more when I got there about my previous need to change times with our children. My W also told me that I had invited myself to those two gatherings that she UNinvited me from. I exsplained that SHE invited me and she could have just as easily told me upfront that she didn't want to invite me. She was talking to me like I was being a selfish, bad father because I told her I would do Friday evenings with our children on the weekends they were to be with me. The reason for my need to change was that my church had a recovery group on Fri eves. that has since been changed to Sun eves. Anyway, my W was telling me how hard it is to be with our children all week and NOT get EVERY Friday free. I explained that since we separated that I had only every other Saturday free and that is it. Funny thing is I know she thought about this all a LONG time before she decided to talk to me about it and never came up with the reality of what our previous arrangement was and WHO benefited in what ways.
Since she sounded whiny, I told her that as soon as I have a place of my own later this month, I'll be happy to have the children 1/2 of the time. She couldn't backpedal fast enough which illustrated to me that her need to "talk" to me was really to complain. This need to talk came aafter UNinviting me to two events.
Now mind you, I did cheat on her. I will forever by sorry and sad about that. She is holding to NO reconciliation stance. I don't fault her, she has a right to behave in this manner. I simply don't want to listen to her try to paint me as unreasonable in our separation/divorce process. I am not. I want reconciliation. She does not. I am not being unreasonable. On the contrary, I have been exceedingly patient, kind, and caring in dealing with a process I DO NOT want. Ooops, I am sounding whiny. I don't want a D!!! Well, we mostly got our views aired regarding the care of our children. We will need to finalize it soon. On a brighter note, my W RE-invited me to her Mother's Day brunch, to which I responded jokingly, "Are you going to change your mind again in 15 min?" It's funny, but humor seems to help her to see herself clearly when she is being unreasonable. When humor is not involved, she is defensive and blind to her actions.
